Why you keep having the same fight (and what it's actually about)
Same fight, different night. This free two minute tool has each of you pick what you actually wanted in that moment, shows the two side by side, and gives you one line for next time. Nothing stored.
Sep 8, 20264 min read
Written by The Thought Co.. Clinically reviewed by our team
read & checked ✓
Ink illustration of a plate with two crossed forks and the words the fight isn't about the dishes, it's about who felt alone in the kitchen, on why couples keep having the same fight
It's not about the dishes. It was never about the dishes.
The phone at dinner. Whose parents at Diwali. You've had this one before, with the same lines, and it ends the same way, because the thing you're fighting about is never the thing you're fighting about.
Communicate better.Name what you wanted in that moment.the dishes are the costume
Two minutesNothing storedNo sign up
Step 1 of 32 min
No card for violence, threats or control. Those aren't fights, and they don't get a reframe. The numbers are at the top of the page.
Step 2 of 3
The fight:
Step 3 of 3
The fight:
You wanted
You think they wanted
What the fight was about
One line for next time, in place of the dishes line
Yours to keep or not. It won't sound like you the first time. Say it anyway.
This piece is for understanding, not diagnosis. If you feel close to harming yourself or someone else, please reach out now, it is what these lines are for. Tele-MANAS: 14416 (24 hours). iCALL: 9152987821 (Mon to Sat, 10am to 8pm).
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