The Emotional Overwhelm of Adulting: Why Nobody Taught You How to File Taxes

Last March, I sat on the floor of my bedroom surrounded by a shoebox full of rent receipts, hospital bills, and one very crumpled Form 16. I’d intended to file my taxes. Instead, I had a full-blown meltdown. Not because the process was difficult—though, yes, it was—but because I was spiraling under the weight of something deeper: I’m 34 and still have no idea what I’m doing.

Welcome to the secret emotional world of adulting.

Behind every forgotten electricity bill, delayed health checkup, and unopened bank SMS is a young adult carrying quiet confusion and shame. And while we joke about it online—“What is TDS and why is it taking my money?”—many of us are emotionally overwhelmed by the invisible curriculum of growing up.

Let’s talk about it.

The Myth of “Figuring It Out”

One of the biggest lies sold to us is that adulthood comes with clarity. That one day, you wake up magically equipped with the knowledge to navigate EPF accounts, home insurance, dental cleanings, grocery budgets, and dinner party etiquette.

It doesn’t.

Most of us were launched into the world with a degree in economics, engineering, or English literature—but zero training in how to regulate our nervous system during a Zoom performance review or negotiate rent with a passive-aggressive landlord.

In fact, a 2021 survey by Indeed India found that 58% of millennials feel unprepared for real-life responsibilities. And this sense of unpreparedness doesn’t just trigger logistical stress; it ignites deeper emotions: inadequacy, failure, guilt.

“Adulting is not just about skills. It’s about the identity shift—the emotional load of going from dependent to responsible.” — Dr. Shelja Sen, therapist and author of Reclaim Your Life

Why Everyday Tasks Feel Emotionally Heavy

Have you ever stared at an online electricity bill form and cried? Or ghosted your bank because you couldn’t bring yourself to walk in and ask a basic question?

That’s not laziness. That’s overwhelm.

Executive Dysfunction

Many adulting tasks fall under what psychology calls executive functioning — cognitive skills like task initiation, planning, organization, and emotional regulation. If you grew up with anxiety, ADHD, trauma, or even just emotionally unavailable parenting, chances are you were not taught these skills explicitly. (Harvard Center on the Developing Child)

Filing taxes isn’t just a chore. It’s a cognitive and emotional workout.

Fear of Failure

If you weren’t allowed to fail safely growing up, adulting can feel terrifying. Making a mistake on a loan application doesn’t feel like a learning curve—it feels like a personal flaw.

Emotional Burnout

Most urban Indian adults are chronically emotionally burnt out. In a 2023 survey by Deloitte, nearly 59% of Indian professionals reported feeling emotionally exhausted on most days. The result? Even basic adulting tasks become mountains.

Real Clients, Real Crises

In therapy, I often hear:

“I feel like everyone else knows what they’re doing except me.”

“I can’t bring myself to open my mail. It gives me anxiety.”

“I keep procrastinating on applying for that PAN correction, and I hate myself for it.”

One client, a 27-year-old designer living in Mumbai, confessed: “I do my taxes on the last possible day every year. Not because I’m lazy. But because I’m scared I’ll do it wrong, and no one ever taught me how to not feel stupid about that.”

Here's another one...

Another, a 32-year-old teacher, said, “I can speak at conferences and manage a classroom of teenagers. But I shut down when I have to call Airtel customer care.”

These aren’t isolated stories. They’re signs of a generation in quiet emotional crisis, masking it with sarcasm and coffee memes.

The Psychology of Grown-Up Shame

Guilt says, “I did something wrong.”
Shame says, “There’s something wrong with me.”

Most of us experience shame when we fail at basic life tasks—even if those tasks were never modeled for us.

In the Indian context, where respectability and responsibility are cultural cornerstones, this shame can be amplified. You’re not just behind on your bills. You’re disappointing your family lineage. Dramatic? Yes. But emotionally real.

So What Helps? Here’s What We Tell Our Clients:

Name the Shame

The first step is to normalize the emotion. If your internal voice sounds like: “I should know this by now,” try replacing it with: “Nobody taught me this. And I’m learning now.”

Therapists often call this self-compassionate reframing. Research by Dr. Kristin Neff shows that self-compassion reduces anxiety and increases resilience. (Neff, Self-Compassion Research)

Break the Task Emotionally, Not Just Logistically

Instead of writing “File taxes” on your to-do list, write:

Open tax portal tab

Locate Form 16

Message a friend to ask who they used this year

Each micro-step is a win. And momentum is powerful.

Use Body-Based Grounding

Emotional overwhelm around adulting often lives in the body. Try:

Deep belly breathing (inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 6)

Cold water on wrists

Standing barefoot on the floor while reading bureaucratic emails

Make It Collective

Adulting isn’t meant to be solo. In collectivist cultures, we thrive in groups. Start a monthly “Admin Hour” with friends where everyone brings their boring tasks to a Zoom room with chai.

It turns shame into solidarity.

The New Face of Adulthood

Being an adult isn’t about knowing everything. It’s about being emotionally equipped to figure things out slowly, messily, and without collapsing inward.

We need to rewrite the adulting narrative. One where:

Not knowing is okay.

Mistakes are part of the learning curve.

Emotional literacy is more important than life hacks.

If you’re struggling with the emotional weight of grown-up tasks, you’re not broken. You’re just human.

And nobody taught us how to do that either.