In therapy, I've seen it all — clients who can't wait to go home, and others who quietly dread it. Some crave the break, the family warmth, the togetherness. Others brace for small talk, expectations, and the invisible emotional labour that festivities often demand. A few dive headfirst into cleaning sprees and kitchen marathons. Many just feel tired before it even begins.

Festivities have a way of amplifying what's already within us — joy, guilt, nostalgia, loneliness — each taking turns at the spotlight.

How the Way We Celebrate Is Changing

During a recent Holding Space I facilitated about festive emotions, one thing became clear: our city culture has shifted. We've moved from inherited rituals to personal meaning-making. From religion to reflection. And somewhere along the way, that shift has started to affect how we feel connected — or not — to our communities.

Most Indian festivals are rooted in religion. Yet for many urban millennials and Gen Zs, faith doesn't feel like home anymore. This isn't rebellion; it's evolution. But it can leave us feeling untethered — unable to connect with the collective joy we grew up around.

That quiet ache of "I don't belong here anymore" isn't just nostalgia. It's what researchers call collective loneliness — the feeling that you're no longer part of a larger "we." Studies link it to higher rates of anxiety, depression, and even physical health concerns. If you'd like to explore this further, here's my deep dive into loneliness.

What Religion Gets Right

This isn't about being religious or reviving traditions you've outgrown. It's about noticing what religion has always done well — ritual, rhythm, and relationship.

Research shows people who attend religious gatherings often report higher well-being — not because of dogma, but because of belonging. Shared meals. Shared silence. Shared stories. That's what soothes loneliness — not sermons, but solidarity.

What responsibilities do we have to one another? How can we create healthy communities? How do we find joy together?

— Casper ter Kuile, The Power of Ritual

Kuile's work shows that even secular spaces — from gyms to book clubs — can recreate this sense of belonging when approached with intention. People may walk in for fitness, but they often stay for friendship. It's not about where you gather, but how.

Reclaiming the Collective

Maybe it's time to stop chasing the illusion of "independent joy" and reimagine connection as a practice. That doesn't mean forced festivities or fake smiles — it means showing up with intention. Lighting diyas for yourself and for someone else. Hosting a small circle dinner. Saying yes to the neighbours' mithai exchange even when you're not in the mood.

Because while solitude can ground us, it's the collective that keeps us human.