Thoughts — Learning

Ugh, they are just trying to get more attention!  Does that sound familiar? Wanting to prove that you are not just doing things (like dressing a certain way) or crying just for attention? Feeling embarrassed for wanting more attention? It sounds like needing attention has a bad reputation.  Why is needing attention so shamed? Why is not needing attention considered cool? It doesn’t make any sense because we are hardwired for connection and attachment, and in so many ways, seeking attention helps us connect with others. Take, for example, one of the most human experiences known to mankind: as shocking...

As people, we love looking forward to things. Always living with the hope that things will get more exciting and better…one day. As a kid, I always idealised being grown up. It was a way to imagine all the independence I would end up having when I was a fully-functioning adult. But I don't think I realised that you just don't become an adult overnight.  It's more gradual and a lot less glamorous. I remember when all I wanted to do was grow up. It started with the smaller things - like wanting to wear the ‘cooler (read: less baby)...

It’s a tale as old as time. Shaming and humiliation has been around for decades. We all use it at home as well as in society. But what are they exactly?  Shame and humiliation are negative feelings associated with dishonour, self hate, disgrace and regret. There are 4 types of shame according to psychotherapist Burgo, which are unrequited love and rejection, unwanted exposure, disappointed expectation and exclusion.  Back in the day, public shaming was necessary in order to have a kingdom of loyal subjects, a better understanding of who was not conforming to the norms and needed to be pulled...

Today I find the word communication being thrown around a lot. Especially when it comes to close relationships. Do I believe it's important .. yes? Is it always effective … maybe? Let me try and help you understand where I am coming from.  Communication, especially when it comes to expression, is extremely important; I 100% believe that no one can read your mind. Sometimes when we try to communicate our needs, it helps us express and understand ourselves better and even have clarity of what is happening. Hence, as a strong believer in therapy, it helps in expressing yourselves, which...

I am in the midst of a month-long Netflix binge.  My current indulgence is the second season of Never Have I Ever (disclaimer: this post is unlikely to be a spoiler because the season came out many moons ago.) Devi dates both Ben and Paxton, thus cheating on both boys. As predicted, when they eventually find out about the “betrayal”, both boys are upset, as most people would be, and make her “pay” for it.  This got me thinking, as do most conversations about infidelity, what makes infidelity hurt so much? Does revenge really make up for pain? Conversations with...