Are You A Self Improvement Junkie?  Understanding The Compulsive Need to Be Better

Are You A Self Improvement Junkie? Understanding The Compulsive Need to Be Better

In an era where we have more freedom than ever—access to endless cuisines, global travel, and the ability to choose careers that resonate with our hearts—it’s strange how we can still feel unsatisfied. This freedom, meant to enrich our lives, often leaves us stuck in a never-ending cycle of striving, improving, and questioning: when will we finally feel enough?

Despite the increasing awareness of mental health, many of us continue to operate in survival mode, pushing ourselves to be better, faster, and more accomplished. The irony is that we live in a time of abundance, yet we often feel drained, perpetually in need of “fixing” like a construction site riddled with potholes. This constant pressure to become a “better version” of ourselves is exhausting. When will the work be done? And more importantly, when will we truly feel complete?

Our culture fosters this never-ending drive. The belief that improvement is the key to satisfaction is ingrained in us from a young age. Whether it’s through our academic performance, career aspirations, or even our physical appearance, we are taught to strive for perfection. In India, for example, the pressure to outperform is often felt in the classrooms, with students expected to be the top of their class, secure a well-paying job, and then climb the corporate ladder. All the while, they are navigating social expectations around marriage, family, and status. This whirlwind of expectations creates a toxic narrative where happiness is always just out of reach.

Caught up in this cycle, we lose sight of what really matters: the present moment. Our obsession with being “better” prevents us from living in the now, from connecting with ourselves and others. We commodify ourselves—constantly trying to fit into boxes of attractiveness, financial success, or societal approval. But what if this relentless striving isn’t the answer?

Let’s pause for a moment and zoom out. Self-improvement is a lifelong journey, not a destination. There is no “perfect” version of ourselves that we can reach and say, “I’m done.” As the philosopher Byung-Chul Han points out, “If we see ourselves as a project that can always be worked on, there is always more for us to do. This compulsion to improve ourselves is a never-ending task.” We become trapped in a loop of constant measurement, pushing ourselves further but never quite feeling fulfilled.

The problem lies not in the act of self-improvement but in how we approach it. We tend to look outside of ourselves for solutions—books, podcasts, and advice from so-called “successful” people. While these can be helpful, they often miss one crucial element: introspection. The key to true growth lies within us. It’s not about mimicking others but understanding ourselves deeply. We must break free from the temptation to “fix” ourselves and instead embrace who we are in this very moment.

In the Indian context, where familial expectations often dictate career choices and relationships, there’s little room to simply be. The pressure to conform to predefined success metrics can be overwhelming. But true self-acceptance comes from within. As Alain Ehrenberg discusses in The Weariness of the Self, “The depressed individual is tired of having to become himself. It’s this voluntary self-exploitation that fractures the soul.” We’re so consumed by the idea of becoming someone we think we should be, that we lose touch with who we are.

This constant striving leads to what Gabor Maté describes as “alienation.” We become disconnected from our inner selves, focusing only on external validation. Our worth becomes defined by our achievements rather than our intrinsic value. And in this process, we not only harm ourselves but also the relationships around us. Our obsession with self-improvement alienates us from others, making it harder to form meaningful connections.

What if we took a different approach? What if, instead of trying to perfect ourselves, we focused on being the best version of who we are right now? The key is not in the endless pursuit of a flawless future self but in appreciating our present self. We must learn to pause and reflect, to acknowledge our growth and the lessons we’ve learned along the way. By doing this, we break the cycle of constant improvement and reconnect with ourselves.

When we accept ourselves as we are—flaws and all—we can still strive to grow, but from a place of self-compassion, not self-rejection. The journey of self-improvement doesn’t have to be driven by the need to “fix” what’s broken but by the desire to live fully and authentically.

The truth is, you are enough just the way you are—and you’re enough even if you want to be more. Self-improvement is not about reaching perfection but about embracing the process, understanding that growth comes with time, and that it’s okay to pause, reflect, and appreciate where you are.

As Bertrand Russell wisely said, “The secret of happiness is this: Let your interests be as wide as possible and let your reactions to the things and persons that interest you be as friendly as possible.” Life isn’t just about becoming; it’s about being—and sometimes, the most powerful act of self-improvement is simply allowing ourselves to live authentically.

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Malvika Lobo

Psychologist

Malvika, a seasoned therapist with over 7 years of experience, specializes in Animal Assisted Therapy and Arts Based Therapy. She is the smother of animals, a chai enthusiasts and has a hot take on all things.

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