For the longest time in my life, I did not believe in therapy. I am a certified practicing therapist now, and have been practicing for about 8 odd months, but during my formative years, the terms therapy and therapist were the most absurd to me. Yes, people say life comes full circle and it has for me, because after I had this revelation, I fell in love with therapy to a point where I wanted to pursue it as my career.
The society, the people around me, and somewhere even I, myself had always judged people who went for therapy. I felt that therapy was really for people with ‘too many issues’, people who were ‘crazy’ and only wondered about one question - how on earth are people not able to sort their own shit and why would they need another person for that?
But then, I guess life happened to me. I started facing issues in my personal life, in my relationships (had the worst heartbreak possible), and I felt distant from my family, my twin sister, and all my friends. It felt like my life was falling apart, like in a movie when the protagonist faces rejection in every direction, only here, I did not know what was going to happen next, or whether my ending would be happy or a sad one.
A friend of mine recommended therapy and I (finally) took the plunge. Trust me, this was one of the many good decisions I made from there on. I went for therapy. It’s shocking, right? A girl who didn’t believe in therapy and for most of her life judged other people for it, is actually in therapy herself. It came as a surprise to me as well but I really was out of options at that time.
Therapy has been the most liberating experience for me. Initially, I was hesitant to share anything with my therapist and felt that it was a waste of time but when I actually opened up, started sharing stuff that I was ashamed (or embarrassed) of - things I had planned I’d take to my grave - I suddenly saw a change in myself. I was growing, I was being vulnerable, and as my therapist told me this one time, ‘Being vulnerable means to be strong, to be vocal, to be able to see yourself through someone’s eyes, being vulnerable involves a lot of honesty, transparency and a fear to be judged but doing it irrespective’.
I haven't looked back ever since. My mental health has drastically improved. I weighed just 35 kgs when I got out of my toxic relationship, had lost touch with my closest friends, and my parents were drifting away. I felt like I lost myself but then I found myself through therapy. I have started to see the brighter side of things and have also started realising that I need to take it all ‘one day at a time’.
I won’t lie. It’s not all been smooth sailing. I’ve seen many new ups and downs, but now, I know I have external support, I have therapy, and I have a strong circle of friends that I can trust. I’m finally more open to experiencing my emotions to the fullest and letting people know how I feel and also being vulnerable from time to time.
The goal is to gain perspective and grow and to just love myself in life.
But hey, I am still figuring it all out.
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