Enmeshment vs. Codependency: What’s the Difference?

Feeling like an emotional sponge with your fam?

You might be enmeshed…

In sessions, the word “codependent” gets tossed around a lot. But more often than not, we’re working with a mis-definition. Which makes me wonder—do most of us genuinely feel codependent, or have we just absorbed the term from social media and folded it into our emotional vocabulary?

Clients will often say things like, “I’m codependent on my family for my feelings or happiness.” But is it really codependency? Or is it something else—like struggling to distinguish your emotions from the emotions of those around you?

What is Enmeshment?

Enmeshment describes a relationship with unclear emotional boundaries. It often shows up in families or romantic relationships where people start to absorb each other’s emotions. If one person is anxious, the other becomes anxious too. Their experiences are fused—there’s no emotional separation.

In therapy, we often describe “enmeshed families” as those where members are overly involved in one another’s lives. This is especially common between parent and child. The child may start to feel responsible for their parent’s feelings and, over time, struggle to develop their own emotional independence. This kind of dynamic can lay the groundwork for codependency later in life.

What is Codependency?

Codependency, on the other hand, is a pattern of excessive reliance on another person—emotionally, mentally, physically, or even spiritually. In a codependent dynamic, one person may base their entire sense of self-worth on how needed they are, or may rely on their partner to regulate their feelings and identity.

While enmeshment and codependency are different, they often coexist. Enmeshment may create the emotional environment where codependency is more likely to take root. In both cases, there’s a loss of individuality, blurred boundaries, and a belief that your emotional state is dependent on someone else’s.

How Do They Show Up?

Both enmeshment and codependency can look like:

• Difficulty setting or respecting boundaries
• Guilt when prioritizing your own needs
• Conflict avoidance at all costs
• Low self-esteem tied to others’ approval
• Over-functioning in relationships to avoid being abandoned

It’s not uncommon for people to do things they dislike just to maintain closeness or keep the peace. Over time, this can lead to deep resentment, burnout, and confusion about where one person ends and the other begins.

“A strong, healthy relationship should complement your life—not confine you.”

Healing From Enmeshment and Codependency

Unlearning these patterns is tough. But it’s not impossible. Therapy is one of the safest spaces to explore your family dynamics and reconnect with your sense of self. Through reflection, boundaries, and practical tools, you can rebuild relationships that are grounded—not grasping.

You’re not alone. Enmeshment and codependency are more common than we think. They’re not character flaws—they’re survival strategies you may have outgrown. Healing doesn’t mean cutting people off. It means creating space for both love and individuality.

It’s a long road, sometimes frustrating. But every step you take toward healthy boundaries is a step toward freedom.

References

• American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT). (2023). Codependency
• Mayo Clinic. (2021). Signs of a Codependent Relationship
• National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). (2021). Understanding Codependency
• Psychology Today. (2023). Enmeshed Boundaries

Want to explore this further? Our Sunday Journaling Series can help you unpack these patterns. Or you can start 1-on-1 therapy with one of our psychologists today.